Here we are in the time of Christmas.  After a brutal election.  The country is fractured.  Why?  Are we not a Christian Nation?  I am troubled that we as world a leader have such division.  I feel I hold God first, My country next, my right to own firearms and then my family and if you want to run over these you have to go thru me.

There is evil in this worlds and sin in men's hearts.  We must protect the innocent and stand fast against evil.  It is not the job of the government to do this for us as we as a people must stand in the breach.

My wife is dying and I hurt so bad.  It is a hard thing to stand by day after day and watch as the disease takes her life.  I am there for her but I suffer as she does.  It is difficult to be a caregiver and bear the  hurt as I watch her die.  Family and friend shy away from what we are going thru.

I get relieve from going to the YMCA to exercise, cleaning and doing housework, working in the shop and anything that I can find to keep me occupied.

What does the New Year hold?  I do not know.  The Bible tells us what is to come on a global scale.  I feel we are in the last days of this life  But, how long  will it go on.  Fight he good fight.  Protect the weak.  Tell the truth.  Stand for justice in all things you do.

Patty Loveless "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"

Where am I?

Where am I/  Often I say this to myself.  I reassess where I am.  Spiritually, physically and I am in my daily routine.  I am trying to stay physically active.  I go to the YMCA 5 days a week and work out.  Treadmill for an hour everyday.  I do look forward to that.  I also use weights a 180 reps three times a day.  I want to eat better and lose a few more pounds.

I want to improve and  train up regarding my field craft especially in marksmanship.  I have spent time in the past week maintaining the PMCS of our vehicles and weapons maintenance.  These are important and only a small part of the big picture.

Taking care of my wife Sherry who is in the final stages of Cancer.  I cry and feel so alone.  No one is here for her or me.  My sons are but they do not see what I do.  They do help all they can.  But only God knows what we face.

Just Catching Up

I just thought I'd bang out a few lines to catch my readers up and for the sake of posterity.  October in the Carolinas is a beautiful time.  I love the fall with the cooler temps and changing of the leaves.  It signals the cold days of winter which will be here soon.  It brings the promise of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It makes me feel a little sad that the warm days of summer are gone for another year and we must endure the cold hard winter to come.

I have been going to the YMCA 5 days a week to spend some time on the treadmill and to have a little "me" time.  I have the day to day chores of keeping the "Smithson Plantation" up and running.  There are the tings I have to do to care for Sherry in her time of sickness.  It keeps me busy and wears me down.

Woody my youngest has returned home.  He has his dog, Flash who is quite a character.  Flash is a Jack Russell with unbridled energy and pep.  He is such a sweet boy and so pretty.  Woody is living in his motor home in the back and has a nice set up out there.

I hope to get more involved with my SCV Camp and help out where I can.  I am torn with taking care of Sherry and doing other things but I know where my priorities  lie and Sherry must come first.  I spend time reading and I have my church which I dearly love to attend.  Sunday's are a special day to me and I feel the best when I attend services.

I hope pay a visit to Mom and my sisters soon.  Sherry has agreed to go to Hospice house for a visit so I can go some time in the future.  Hurricane Matthew is bearing down on the Southern coast and I pray they will weather the storm and come thru it ok.  Only time will tell.

Back in the Black

I am calling today's post "Back in the Black" because today I am grounding myself in the basic things I have tried to set as goals for myself.  Dieting, Fitness, Learning and Discipline.

I am using my skills from the MOVE program at the VA Med center to track my calorie intake and the tools they gave me to make the progress I desire to make.

Pin Pin and I went for a morning walk along McCray Rd today and made a new friend.  I have seen him walking before and introduced myself to him.  He is recovering from a stroke earlier this year and walks along the same path as I for his exercise regimen.  His name is Garret.  Pin Pin was surprising as she never offered to bark at him and was totally at ease with this stranger.  I have found dogs are good judges of character even if you are not.

I desire to read more daily and study the Bible more each and everyday.  I feel it is important to learn as much as anyone can each day.  Only if it is a little it will benefit you

Discipline.  I hope to adhere to a training plan I shall develop similar to one we used in the military to keep me on track and to achieve daily goals.  This Training Schedule is a guide and nothing etched in stone as each and everyday is a fluid motion of time and we must react to it and not necessarily be able to do just as we please.

I am thankful God has given me this day.  I give thanks unto Him who has delivered me here to this place.  I am happy to be here.  I am happy to be back in our peaceful home and waay from the place we found ourselves this time last month.

Almost Heaven

I have been enjoying the time I have been in West Virginia.  My morning walks are most enjoyable.  The scenery is so beautiful and the calm and peace of the country is soothing to me.  I try and walk at least every other day.  The mornings are the most agreeable.  i walk from our house to the childhood church Sherry attended as a girl.  I think about those days back then when people walked more and who may have walked that same path I take and what they thought about.  It must have been a happy time back then for those brothers and sisters walking to church and to the store.  The school used to be just across the road from the church.
ks and rides.
Yesterday I enjoyed riding in to Princeton for the street fair.  There were many show cars and vendors and it was a carnival like atmosphere.  Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and the music was really good.  I got a backpack at a yard sale.  It was a military style that they came out with after my days were up.  It has a bladder for water and a spout.  Thought it would be a good accessory on long walks and rides.

The grand kids got bikes from Santa for Christmas and I think it would be cool to get one too and ride with them.  Oh well just a thought.  It would be a good way to boost my exercise routine.

I do miss home in NC and everyday I fight the depression.  I do hope that one day I can go back home to Burlington.  It is not my wish to be here but I do so out of obligation to Sherry.  One day, I shall go home.

Never Knew a Summer Could be so Damn Cold

There's a song on an album titled "White Mansions" named "Never Knew a Summer Could be so Damn Cold."  This comes to mind to describe the weather of the last three weeks.  It has rained almost everyday and I only remember one day when it did not rain.  The temp has been hovering around 50 for a high. Hard on an ole boy who lives to ride his motorcycle.

I do look forward to warm weather and sunny days.  I yearn for the feel of the warm sun and smells that signify summer.  I look forward to being outside and feeling the warm sun on my face.  It gives me a thrill and a rush and lifts my spirits.

I have been down a lot lately.  I miss being home in NC.  I do not care for being where I am but I do so out of responsibility and love for my wife Sherry who is fighting with Cancer.  I will stay with her till it is over.

Leaving Home for Last Time.

I wish this day had never came.  Here it is though.  This is the day before we leave for West Virginia, taking my wife back to her home.  In past posts I have spoke of her courageous battle with cancer.  She is losing and has only months left.  Sherry has decided to go back to her home for her final days to be spent with family and friends.

This is our home and we together have built it from scratch here in North Carolina.  My stuff her stuff, things we got together and things given to us by friends and family.  The walls are gaunt, missing pictures.  The shelves are bare in places.  She has decided what she wants to have near in WV.

I failed in my first marriage.  Most of I was my fault.  Bad decisions, sickness and alcohol destroyed a home we spent 25 plus years building.  Alienated a mother from her sons.  I then too saw a house laid bare.  Lost all I had, declared bankruptcy.  But, I started to rebuild.  Sherry and I married and again I had a home full of happiness.  There were tangible things that we both cherished.  Now there are only the memories.

I will stay by her side until the last of her days.  I will go live in WV as long as she lives.  I will come back to our Carolina home.  Right now I don't feel like I can bring those things back here.  I will probably just leave all that is there and fill the voids with new.  One chapter will close in a book while another opens.

I have been ill with pneumonia and recovering from surgery about this whole month.  I have Gout now and it is painful to me.  I made the statement when we moved here that I would never move anymore.  I ended up in ICU at the Durham VA Medical Center in Durham NC for a week with a mild heart attack and mini strokes.  My health is going down hill.

In closing I must say I feel as if I am in a storm in my life and with all things this too shall pass.  I walk by faith and not by sight.  My prayers are brighter days shall come and this I will overcome when the sun shines in my life again.

Easter 2016

Its Easter time. I have been working at taking better care of myself. The VA has a program called MOVE which has guided me in losing weight and nutrition. I have been using a FITBIT watch and tracking my meals. Walking about 3 to 4 times a week is great and has really helped. I am going to church and have many new friends that I look forward to seeing each week.

Sherry wanted a garden and we put one out. Its just finished and we have planting to finish. have put in some onions but have more seeds to plant. I want to put in some cantaloupes and watermelons.  I put up a fence but have not finished the gate.

Today is Easter.  I rode the bike downtown to the City Park where Integrity Ministries had a program for Easter.  It was cloudy and raining on and off.  My friends from my church were there and it was good to see them.  I enjoyed the music and fellowship.  The rain didn't bother me at all.

Sherry wants to go back to WV and I will go too.  I do not want to and it makes me sad.  I want to stay here at home.  I don't know what to do but I will be ok and make it thru this as best as I can.

God will guide me and give me strength and wisdom.  I pray for these and I will be strong and do what I have to. to get by.

Bringing you Up to Speed.

Sherry's cancer is progressing and she has passed another mile marker in this fight.  Hospice is taking care of her now.  The Dr told us Friday she is down to months left to live.  We are hoping they can manage her pain better and she get more rest.  I have surgery coming up to repair a hydrocele and I will be recovering for about 6 weeks after the surgery.  I don't know the date but it will be soon.

I am going to church and I really like it.  The name of the church is broken chains and they are a great group of people there and I have made many new friends.  I am going to Bible study too at Renegades Bike shop 2 days a month and we are studying the Armor of God.  I feel better about things now that I have a church home and family.

I have been paying closer attention to my own health since before the first of the year and I have lost about 20 pounds and I am exercising and walking almost everyday.  I feel better too.

In closing I just wish to say that times and circumstances are dark.  I make it day by day and try not to dwell on what is to come.  I am sad and my feelings are hurt.  That's life huh.  I am upset with the way my son treats me but I will have to deal with that.

New Year, New Directions.

I find myself in the beginnings of the New Year 2016.  What is going to happen this year?  I will be 60.  That in itself is a milestone.  I have went back to church and I am following His word to be a better person.  I am going to improve myself physically.   I have started to work on the mental aspects of my life and working harder to not fall into a slump.

I got a new bike.  It's a 2006 Kaw Vulcan classic Anniversary Edition and such a sweet ride.  i am going to do some repairs.  Replace broken parts and ride like a one eyed Jack of Diamonds chased by the Devil.  Just had too say that.

I am back to shooting a bow again with the use of a trigger strap.  I was given a compound bow for Christmas by my brother in law, Gary.  I can hit accurately and consistently with it and i am so tickled about that.

My hopes prayers and wishes is that all I do in this New Year will be prosperous, good and fruitful.  I want to work hard at being a better person all the way around.  The total "Jim".  Sounds like an exercise device huh?

Sherry is not well and doing worse.  i will stand by her and keep her as happy as I can and take good care of her.  This is my darkness in the light of a new year.  I pray for strength and guidance.

What will 2016 hold.

Fear of the unknown is always a great fear.  I look forward to the New Year with promise and optimism.  There is a dark cloud of sickness of us and our family with Sherry's illness.  I don't know how I will be able to get thru all that is coming.  I have to just trust in the Lord and have my faith.  My family will be able to help me and I will need them more than ever.  I just cant imagine life without my Angel.

The coldness of winter is here and I relish it I also dread the cold bitter days and darkness.  Spring is such a  welcome gift from our Lord.  We have so many blessing and we take so many for granted but give Him praise for all you see.  I have started going back to church.  It's a church called Broken Chains and is a biker ministry and I like everyone there.

I have trouble sleeping and the health probs I have worry me.  Maybe it's just getting older that worries me.  Pain is a bad bed fellow.

I have my hopes and dreams.  New Years rez's  I donnt think I will be able to keep them but if I can do a little better everyday, help people wherever I can and be a good citizen I will  be able to see the progress I have made.