Beaten and Broken

I do not remember a time in my life I was as sad as I am at this point.  The loss of my wife in February is still a vivid memory and I continue to grieve for her.  The lonesomeness I feel is overpowering. Never do I remember crying so much.  It comes in waves and takes me down.

I had met someone who I loved dearly and thought so much of.  I was so deeply in love just to have it all evaporate before my eyes 2 weeks ago.  It turns out I was only being used  and cheated on.  She held beliefs that I can not and would not condone but for the sake of love I was giving in to something just to get along.  This caused me to wrestle with myself and many long sleepless nights.  She claims to be a patriot but her actions say otherwise.  I love her, I still do but I could not continue.  I called an end to our relationship because I could not live this way anymore.

Feeling Beaten

I have been so down as of late.  I attribute this to the loss of my wife last winter and things going on in my present situation.  This time of the year is a difficult one.  September is the time of much loss in my life.  I think with the changing weather that is coming so does my spirits and feelings change also.  I get sad and withdrawn.

I have been in a relationship which seems to ebb and flow.  I was so mistaken as I entered into it and now I feel trapped somewhat.  I feel I am bullied into making decisions that effect me monetarily and go against my beliefs.  I often go along just to get along and feel I have compromised my values.  I'm really at a loss as to how to proceed.

I do my best to stay busy.  I train my body.  I pray daily sometimes for hours it seems.  I mostly ask for guidance and understanding.  I also give thanks when God lifts the burdens that are weighing so heavily on me.  I will continue to lift up my problems, turning them over to Him.  His will be done.

I am attending classes with the local Sheriff's Dept and I will graduate next month.  I have learned much.  I have been made aware of much I did not know and feel I will be a better citizen once I complete my training.  I am honored to be accepted and to participate in such a great program.  Alamance County is truly blessed to have a Sheriff such as Terry Johnson.

In closing I will say.  Thank you to who read these lines.  I don't know if anyone does but if so thank you and leave a note so I know who you are.  I love my country.  I love my history and heritage and I love you my friends and family

July 4th 2017

I am feeling as if I am in a war.  The attacks on our heritage have reached a fevered pitch this year.  We are hit at every turn and junction with cities and counties removing historical statues erected to honor our country's veterans.  A great battle is about to take place on the very hallowed grounds of Gettysburg PA.  These are dark times for the Southern people and freedom loving Americans everywhere.  I sometimes question my service to my country and whether it was all for nothing if we lose the very freedoms these men fought and died for.

Antifa has attacked us on many fronts.  They are to be in Asheville Sunday.  We shall meet them.  We met them in Raleigh and in Graham.  We will be there to show them we are not going to let them have their way.

July 9 we will stand shoulder to shoulder with our Mechanized Calvary brothers and sisters to face them down in Memphis where they threaten to tear down the statues to Gen Nathan Bedford Forrest and dig up the graves of the famous General and his wife.

We traveled to Maggie Valley NC for the 20th annual Sons of Confederate Veterans Mechanized Cavalry reunion.  I won the prized knife given away this year.  It is a replica of the famous D Guard Bowie which many Southern Patriots treasured and carried into battle with them.

We ask God to guide us, give us direction and ask he cover us with His divine protection.  Cloak us from evil and keep us safe as we travel and confront the enemies of our culture.  In Jesus name Amen.

My Angel's Gone.......

Feb 24th 2017, my sweet wife, love of my life went to be with the Lord.  She fought the good fight but lost.  I miss her so bad.  I have cried so much for so long.  Needing someone to be there for me and love me.

Hitting a Ruff Patch

Going thru a hard time right now.  The VA has stopped my disability check.  They made a mistake that is all upon me now to correct stemming from a misspent letter by them in Aug.  That letter was asking me to verified I was still married but I never received it because they mailed it to the wrong address.

I am struggling severely financially and may lose everything if not corrected soon.  This causes me a lot of worry and is very stressful for Sherry who is dying of cancer.  I do hope all this turmoil does not impact her health.  Should we lose our home it may kill us all to be homeless on the street.

I pray everyday and have contacted every point I can to get this resolved but to no avail.  I put my trust in Him, his will be done.  My faith is unwavering.